"My Journey in Crowland: More Than Just a Cottage"

As I sit in my cozy cottage in Crowland, I realize how much has changed in my life. This blog is primarily about my home and garden, but I thought it might be nice to share a bit more about my personal journey. While I could delve into the lows I've experienced, this space is meant to celebrate the beauty of life—both inside and outside my home.

First and foremost, I want to encourage anyone reading this to reach out with any questions. I'm genuinely an open book and am happy to share what I can. However, I aim to keep this blog focused on my experiences as a first-time homeowner living on my own.

As a newcomer to the picturesque town of Crowland, I've found myself in countless conversations about my journey here. It's amusing how the questions come in all sorts of tones—some filled with genuine curiosity, while others carry a hint of skepticism. 

I get asked how I ended up in this quaint little corner of the world and, quite frequently, how I managed to afford and find such a lovely home. I have even been asked, had I got divorce money to buy my home! Some questions are truly wild, but they do make me laugh.

Nestled in the heart of Crowland, my decision to call this charming town home was deeply influenced by my work. But there’s a personal story behind how I managed to afford my cozy cottage here, and I’m always happy to share my journey as an open book.

In 2022, I achieved a major milestone—graduating with a BSc (Hons) in Paramedic Science. The journey was anything but easy, especially during my final year. It was a tumultuous time filled with tears, moments of doubt, and the temptation to walk away. 

Balancing the intensity of that degree with the challenges posed by the pandemic took a toll on me. I often found myself down in Bedford, in tears, living in student accommodation and away from my furry friend, Hamish, my mum  and the comforts of home.

My bedroom in student accommodation in year 1 of university.

Trying to make my student accommodation as homely as possible. 

If you knew me, you’d understand that I’m someone who thrives on comfort. Leaving home in Corby to study was difficult, often leaving my heart heavy and longing for my family and my dog. But perseverance was key; I didn’t want to let anyone down.

Looking back, I can't believe I made it through. Would I choose to attend university again? Probably not! But was it worth it? Absolutely. If I—someone who once thought of myself as not particularly academic—can do it, then I wholeheartedly believe anyone can!

Now, I’m working in Peterborough, which is definitely alot closer to my mums home in Corby, compared to when I would travel down to Bedford for university and shift placements. However Peterborough was still an hour commute from home.

The commute used to be quite a challenge, traveling an hour from my mums house, navigating traffic-filled roads primarily during ungodly hours. For my 6am starts, I'd have to get up at 4:30am, leave my mums at 5am, to give me time to get to work for 6am. To then work the 12hour shift, often finishing late, then driving home. 

Late shifts and long commutes led to exhaustion, and I often felt the effects of fatigue more than I’d like to admit. This realization is what prompted my decision to buy in Crowland, where I now have my cozy little cottage.

Truth be told, I had never heard of the little town of Crowland. It was only when I was looking on 'RightMove' at homes closer to Peterborough, that I came across this place. 

Life has its twists and turns, and I've faced my share of bittersweet moments. I lost my father unexpectedly two years ago—a complicated relationship that saw us become estranged when I was quite young.

My dad walked out on my mum, when I was 14 months old and my brother was 2 weeks old. This resulted in my mum having to move up to Corby, as at the time we were living in Welwyn Garden City - Hertfordshire. My mum had to look after two young children, two dogs. She needed to be closer to her parents (my grandparents) for support and help. They live in Cottingham. 

Despite our past, his passing affected me deeply. I learned about his death on Facebook, the day after his death, which is still surreal to process, even to this day. 

The aftermath of his passing wasn’t straightforward either; there were legal matters to deal with, due to my dad's brother stating he was NOK, not allowing us any involvement in my dad's funeral, making threats about taking us to court. This is all happening whilst I'm about to begin my induction training for my new job. 

The list does go on with lots of other things we as a family had to go through at this time but in the end, my brother and I received his life insurance and pension money, as well as my mum receiving money too. We never wanted my dad's money. All we wanted was to be able to go into his house to collect some items as a keepsake. A jumper of his, with a spritz of his after shave on. 

To be involved with his funeral, and to be able to have a say in were his ashes were to be scattered. It was never about the money. To my dad's brother however, it was. 

My dad worked for Estee Lauder and the sister company Clinique, as a senior graphic designer and then at the end of his life was working with L'Oréal.

Despite my parents not being together they were still legally married. So it was absolutely only right that my mum received money too, as well as myself and brother. 

My dad very sadly passed away when he had an out of hospital cardiac arrest, in Hitchin train station on his way to work and it was actually team EEAST who went out to him, to try and save him. 

EEAST is the ambulance service I did my training with, and now work for. So this made it so very hard for me when I began my new job as paramedic. It just brought back memories, I didn't want to think about. The start of my downward spiral I guess. 

The financial support from my dad's passing, is what allowed me to make a down payment on my cottage, transforming it into my dream home. However, it carries a bittersweet reminder of what I lost.

In the cottage, I’ve preserved some memories of my dad however. For instance, two green and white deck chairs in the garden once belonged to him and my mum, and I also have a collection of shells from his home, that I've placed in my famous self made pond feature.

 

Amongst other items, I also have candles, photos and a beautiful dinnerware set on display in my cabinet. These items make me feel connected to him, as if he’s still here in spirit.

Admittedly, I still have tough days filled with sadness, anger, and unanswered questions. In my last year of university, I began taking Sertraline, which was a crucial step in managing my mental health, especially as I started my career as a newly qualified Paramedic. 

Starting a new job is always a mix of emotions—excitement, anxiety, and a little fear. As a newly qualified paramedic, I jumped into this role with passion and eagerness to make a difference, but the journey wasn’t as smooth as I'd hoped. 

Shortly after beginning, I faced significant challenges. For starters, I was battling with my mental health. I had my Sertraline dose increased as I found myself overwhelmed by a cocktail of depression and anxiety. The weight of a recent bereavement lingered over me, heavy and unshakable, as I tried to manage the new pressures of my job.

Walking into a new work environment filled with people I had never met, I felt like an outsider. It was difficult to connect also, when I'd just moved to a different area, away from familiar faces, friends, and family. The isolation loomed large, especially as I transitioned into my own home for the first time too. I found myself not bothering to reach out to anyone or even take care of basic daily routines. Simple tasks like showering felt monumental.

Sleep became a complicated enemy. I battled ridiculous insomnia that left me groggy and disoriented, often waking up in the afternoon, missing out on precious daylight and opportunities to connect with the world around me. It was as if my body was stuck in a never-ending cycle of exhaustion and disarray.

All these elements built up over time. The stress of my job, the emotional toll of recent events, and the challenge of settling into a new life created a storm inside me. It affected my work too; I lost my sparkle, the joy that once lit my way. 

But recognizing my struggles has been the first step towards healing. Talking to people, seeking support, and making small changes in my daily routine have helped me start regaining my sense of self. There’s still a long way to go, but I’m learning that it’s okay to reach out for help and take things one day at a time.

To anyone else feeling lost or overwhelmed, know that you’re not alone. Just because things feel daunting now doesn’t mean they will always be this way. Together, let’s work towards finding our sparkle again.

Life can be a whirlwind, and sometimes, it feels like we’re all just trying to keep up with the perfect images and stories we see online. It's so easy to fall into the trap of thinking everyone else has it all figured out while you’re left wrestling with your own demons. I know this struggle all too well. 

I have this toxic trait where I let things build up inside me. Instead of sharing how I feel, I keep everything bottled up, believing I can handle it on my own. But the truth is, that approach does not serve me well. Writing this blog has been my release—a space where I can express my thoughts and connect with others who might feel the same way. It’s like having a diary for the world to see, and in that, I find comfort.

Social media often paints a picture of perfection—those snapshot moments of weddings, holidays, and glamorous lifestyles that make it seem like everyone is living a fairy tale. But beneath the surface, we all face challenges. Reality is filled with ups and downs, struggles, and moments that aren't always glamorous.

Most of my days are spent in lounge wear or my garden dungarees when I'm able to get out into my garden, with my hair in a messy bun. That’s the truth of my life.

I share my story because I’m finally starting to see happiness and comfort in the small moments—whether it’s tending to my garden or snuggling up with my cat in my pajamas. 

Mentally, I've been doing better, but physically, it's a battle. I’m dealing with chronic back pain, stemming from a slipped torn disc and severe sciatica since November 2024. I pulled my back, lifting wooden logs into my trolley at Tesco, for the log burner. Straight away I knew I had slipped my disc again. As it felt the exact same, as when I slipped my disc previously back in 2018.

The anticipation of nerve block and epidural injections looms over me, along with the waiting list for spinal surgery. It’s been a long road since I first slipped my disc back in 2018. Most days I'm in tears due to my pain, or having to wear a brace on my leg were the sciatica is severe.

Since November 2024, I have been on a concoction of medications, such as Zapain, Naproxen, Pregabalin and Celecoxib. 

Currently I am now on a liquid solution of Oxycodone, and then a slow release tablet of Oxycodone. So I am a zombie most days, and have moments where I pass out asleep. 

This also affects me because I feel that nothing then gets done in my home. Cleaning, tending to my garden, not being able to get out and about. I even cried, ugly tears the other day when hanging the washing out, because my pain was that severe. 

To bring it back home: nobody's life is perfect, and we all have our battles. And that’s okay. We are not alone in this. If you’re feeling low, lost, or just need to talk, I’m here. Reach out to me—whether it’s an email, a message, or simply reading one of my posts about the wildlife in my garden to help brighten your spirits. 

In the past, I turned to alcohol to cope with anger and stress. Now, I find solace outdoors in my garden (when I'm able to) —watching my plants bloom overnight, feeding the birds, and losing myself in the beauty of nature. It brings me peace and helps me to focus on the present moment.

Sometimes, you need to step back and prioritize what truly matters. Listen to your mind and body. Health is wealth, and we deserve to take care of ourselves.

Warmly,  Lindsay Blair 

 

Sunday 8th June 2025.